Some of these jokes are considered 'sick' so read with caution.

There was once a man who was going out with a girl called Lorraine. They were very much in love and had been together for awhile. One day when he went down to the newsagent where he ran into a girl named Clearly. He instantly fell in love with her, but he knew he couldn't be with her as he was already with Lorraine. One day he and Lorraine when for a walk down to the lake. Suddenly Lorraine fell in and drowned. The man then started singing "I can see clearly now Lorraine is gone."

There was a man who had been in the desert for two years. He went into a bar and asked for a drink. The bartender told him "I'll give you a drink if you can name the name of this pub." The man replies, "The Queen's Head," "No", the bartender tells the man. Next a man who has been walking in the desert for 4 years enters the pub and asks for a drink. The bartender tells him, "I'll give you a drink if you can name the name of the pub." The man answers, "The Queen's Arms," "No," the bartenders tells him. Next a man who has been walking in the pub for 8 years enters the pub and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender tells the man, "I'll give you a drink if you can name the name of this pub," the man replies, "The Queen's Legs,". "Yes that is correct but we are closing now." The man goes outside and sits on the steps, when a police car drives past and asks him, "What are you doing here?". The man then replies, "I'm waiting for the Queen's s Legs to open so I can have a drink."

A couple were just making out when she asked him to put his finger in her pussy. He did so and she began moaning. She then asked him to put his whole hand in her pussy and to make a fist. She started to groan even louder. She then asked him to put his other hand in there and to clap his hands together. When she saw that he was unable to clap his hands she said, "Tight, huh?"